by Genevieve Springer

Years ago when I was a new pastor's wife, I discovered that hospitality is a wonderful tool for building human relationships. The lesson began in a Sunday service. I was sitting in a pew, watching my new husband Keith on the platform, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see one of the ushers extending a piece of paper in my direction. I took the paper, which was a note from Keith. In his inimitable handwriting (which his third grade teacher called "regrettable"), he asked a question. Reading it, I thought it said, "Can Eugene come over after church?" Eugene was a troubled teen in our church we were trying to help and I assumed he was in the middle of yet another crisis and needed to talk with us. "Sure," I penciled my answer at the bottom of my husband's note.

I handed the paper back to the usher to deliver to Keith on the platform.  A few minutes later, when he rose to give the announcements, I was horrified to hear him extending an invitation not to Eugene––but to everyone––to come to our house after the service. I spent the rest of that hour in a panic. We were hosting a young couple with two small children that weekend, and toys and baby belongings cluttered our house. What would this congregation think about their new pastor’s wife’s inability to keep the parsonage clean? And there was the issue of food. How could I possibly feed a whole congregation? The minute the benediction was over, I raced out of the church to the nearest supermarket where I filled a cart with convenience foods. Rushing home, I managed to throw the worst of the clutter into a closet. Then the people came. This wasn’t at all how I wanted to welcome my new church family on their first visit to our home. I would have loved to have beautifully prepared food and a perfectly clean house. I managed to welcome them graciously however, and to ask them for their help in organizing the food and finding places for everyone to sit. I explained the miscommunication, and we laughed together about Keith’s regrettable handwriting.

When the evening was over, I was surprised to realize that I could judge it a success. I felt much closer to my new church family, as they did to me. We had taken a big step in building relationships with one another. I had discovered the impact of Christian hospitality––sharing food and fellowship in the context of one’s home.

Years later I would read Open Heart, Open Home, Karen Main's book on the subject of showing hospitality. Karen’s insistence that Christian hospitality is based on servanthood and love, impacted my own understanding of this practice. "Beautifully decorated homes and well served food are fine," Karen wrote, "but it is the quality of the relationships that counts."

Many times in the years since that first experience of offering hospitality to our church family, I have seen the way that sharing food together in the context of a home affects relationships. The impact of serving and of being served creates openness between people that is difficult to duplicate in more public and formal settings. Perhaps this is why Paul wrote to Timothy regarding qualifications for church leadership, that an "overseer" must be hospitable. And why Peter, in his first letter, admonished Christians to "offer hospitality to one another."

In her book High Call, High Privilege, pastor's wife Gail MacDonald describes a move to a new church and congregation. Early in their ministry at that church Gail and her husband Gordon devoted several Thursday evenings to having every adult parishioner in their home. That experience, Gail writes, made her "more and more aware of the tremendous effect a ministry of hospitality can have on a congregation." Wanting to learn how to be even more effective in this area, Gail "became a student" of those who practice this ministry well. Dr. Jud Carlberg, president of Gordon College, and his wife Jan, were two people whom Gail noticed as particularly hospitable, so she listened closely when Dr. Carlberg spoke on this topic. He compared the biblical model of hospitality with the secular model of entertainment. He said, "Hospitality is a safe place; Entertainment is a show place. Hospitality focuses on people; entertainment focuses on things. Hospitality puts one at ease; entertainment implies competition . . . God created a hospitable world; sin made the world inhospitable. By our supportive action, we can dispel the sinful atmosphere."

Karen Mains makes an added comparison. "Entertaining," she writes, makes us "afraid to allow people to see us as we are." But when we are motivated by hospitality, we don't care "if others see our humanness. Because we are maintaining no false illusions, people can relax and feel that perhaps we can be friends." "When God's children are in need," Paul wrote to the church at Rome, "you be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night" (Romans 12:13, LB). A good habit for ministry spouses––and for all who want to touch our world with God's love.